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My husband controls who I have for friends, what kinds of meetings I go to, what I should wear to cook breakfast in. I'm thinking of leaving him.
You really do have some choices before you move out. You can give your husband the choice of being controlling or of being frustrated. The reason we get frustrated in our lives is that things we want to happen don't. You might stop letting him control you. For example: you might wear something else to cook breakfast in. He yells {the normal way to try to control is to use intimidation} at you, and you respond sweetly: "I've thought about your request that I wear high heels to cook in, and even though I enjoy making you happy, I've decided that I'm more comfortable in these pants and tennis shoes." He says: "If you loved me, you would wear what I requested. You're just selfish." You could say: "I love you and I think I'll wear this." If he is prone to violence, have the phone near by to call 911 if he threatens you physically. If he hits you, call the police and have him arrested. It's against the law to hit women for not wearing what you want them to.
Then I'd get counselling and join a support group, to help decide if this marriage can be saved. On the other hand, he might decide to start respecting you when you decide to start respecting yourself and taking yourself seriously as a person. When controlling people don't get their way, they will end up frustrated. Some people don't have a high tolerance for frustration. Those people do not make good candidates for a strong relationship such as marriage. A controlling person will not change without your first making some decisions about the quality of your and your children's lives, and without YOU making some changes.
Dr. Ginger Gabriel, Ph.D., M.F.T., is an author and speaker as well as a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California. With Master of Arts degrees in counseling and missions and a Ph.D. in psychology, she has traveled to Asia, the Middle East and throughout North American giving her four-to fifteen-hour relationship and counseling skill-building seminars.
Her favorite pastimes are kayaking, quilting, hiking and reading novels. She is married to Dr. Stan Gabriel. They have three children and three grandchildren.