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I have been going out with a girl for the past two months. Mentally and spiritually, she is great. The only "drawback" about her is she does not know how to dress . . . in short, very poor personal grooming. She works as a primary school teacher. How do I tell her to put some effort to dress herself up well?
The best you can do is to compliment her every time she makes an effort to dress up and every time she looks good. Emphasize her good points (the ones you fell in love with). We love people as they are, unconditionally. I often say, "What you see is what you get." Most attempts to remake someone fail. The only thing that works is to not say anything when she falls short of your standard of cleanliness, and to make a big deal out of it when she looks good. Appearance is maybe not important to her, so focus on what is important. Thanks for writing.
Dr. Ginger Gabriel, Ph.D., M.F.T., is an author and speaker as well as a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California. With Master of Arts degrees in counseling and missions and a Ph.D. in psychology, she has traveled to Asia, the Middle East and throughout North American giving her four-to fifteen-hour relationship and counseling skill-building seminars.
Her favorite pastimes are kayaking, quilting, hiking and reading novels. She is married to Dr. Stan Gabriel. They have three children and three grandchildren.